This is water?
Hey guys, it has been a long long time since I have actually blogged so.. Here I am. I mean really wow it has been months since I have blogged anything that wasn’t just a copy and paste from someone else. So much has happened. It has been crazy. I am going to try and make this as brief as possible, but that is nearly impossible to do and give everything justice.
On May 12, I graduated from College!!! .. and I have been unemployed since. It was so weird leaving the scholarly life behind. I have been in school for all my life and now I just feel lost in space, or the real world. There is so much out there to see and do, and I am the only one who is holding me back from doing everything. It’s so hard just choosing one path and putting yourself out there. But everyone does it, so I should do it soon.
Only two days after the culmination of 4 years of amazingness, a month of intense exams, and a week of crazy partying, I got a call from my Mom. People who are extremely close followers of my blog or that know me well, know that my Dad has been fighting cancer for the past year. He was back in the hospital. I packed my bags at 2 AM and was back in my hometown are 5 or 6 AM. My dad’s breathing was heavy and he could barely speak. Eventually they hooked him up to a machine and from then there was very little communication with him that wasn’t strained. They told us he only had a few days at best. Sitting in the hospital waiting for him to wake up was when it all became real. Unfortunately it was also when the exhaustion from the last month began to hit me as well.
See this isn’t how it was supposed to happen. He had been doing ok for the past month. I mean he hadn’t been doing great and we knew he wouldn’t last much longer, but his lung collapsed over the course of an afternoon. One second he was fine and coherent and could talk and at least get around with some help, and then he was quickly having trouble breathing and sent to the hospital.
My Dad has without question been so much a part of me and not having him here is strange and heartbreaking. He was an amazing father and mentor. Sometimes you don’t realize some of the best aspects about people until you know you will never see them again. My Dad is why I love the outdoors, why I am committed to service, and also why I can be so damn stubborn.
Watching my Dad die was the real thing that has caused me to feel a loss of direction in this crazy new world. I have been flung to adulthood and too many changes have happened at once. But my overwhelming desire to know what will happen next is pushing me forward.
Since his death, I stayed in Clarksville for around 2 weeks and then I moved back to Memphis so that I can at least move out of my old place and maybe find a job. I really need to find a job. In the midst of all this, the commencement speech by David Foster Wallace has been watched dozens of times.
This is the beginning of my recovery, my journey, the rest of my life. I will be tumblring more to keep you guys update.